Just a Quick One : Losing V

This photo was shared in a mommy group I’m in. That Facebook group have more than 15 thousand members and it’s a haven for us moms. Most of us feel it’s a safe place where we can share thoughts and secrets. Anything that moms talk about (from in laws, mistresses, school issues, asking for recommendations, ANYTHING!) can easily be shared in that group and unlike those other mommy groups, this one have more mature members (in my opinion).

When that photo was posted, of course most members responded. Most of the lost it to their husbands or partners, some too early, some too late. What really caught  my attention are those who responded same as me.

Me, I lost it to my 1st boyfriend at 15. He forced me to. By definition, that is considered as rape. I was too young and naive then and I never wanted to dwell on the thought that I’m a victim. I said to myself that it’s OK since he’s my boyfriend anyway. I hid that “rape thought” at the back of my mind ’cause I don’t know what to do. He lives right in front of our house, our parents are friends and…. I don’t know. I just don’t know things. 

Several members commented: 15 (or whatever their age), my ex bf forced me to

There’s one who lost it at 14 to her abusive ex boyfriend. She had a miscarriage and none of them even know that she got pregnant. After the miscarriage, she broke up with him and she stayed away from him. I got teary eyed when I read about what happened to her. I can feel how painful and frustrating that was for her and like all the other members, we’re glad she’s fine now and she already have her family.

About 2-5% of the responders in that post lost their virginity by force or rape. The age is somehow alarming too (one mom said she was raped at 13, that’s when she lost hers. Nobody dared to ask what happened, all of us are just thankful that she’s OK now) since those abuses happened too early or during our teenage years. Not everyone poured out details but aside from that 13-year-old confession, almost all are from exes who forced or abused them.

These kind of things go unreported and some incidents (like the 13-year-old rape) happened without her parent’s knowing it even until now. 

As a mom, I feel worried that someday my daughter might experience those things. What if she keeps it as a secret too? What if she gets blinded by “love” and…and… *sigh*

On the brighter side though, almost about 85% of those who answered lost it to their now husband. 

It’s a choice, not a chance

I saw this photo in one of my friends’ Facebook profile and I totally agree with what this guy said.

Let me share you guys something.

Our relationship started with a “trial” stage. Both of us just came out of toxic relationships and I said “let’s try to be together for six months and if we’re still together by that time, we’ll decided if we’ll be serious”. We just celebrated our 6th anniversary last April 4. We chose to be together.

When I was pregnant with our first child, we both made a lot of wrong choices that are selfish. We broke up for two months after I gave birth, but then I chose to give him another chance.

Like most men, he made a mistake with some girl before and there was a time when I’m ready to let him go. He chose to us, me and our kids, over that girl. We mended our relationship and for the first time, it is a forgive and  forget thing. We chose to start again. 

Finally, me and my husband never really believed in marriage. We don’t even consider it, to be honest. We both think that it’s just a paper and no matter what you do, if your spouse will leave or cheat, nothing can stop them. True, we think getting married is useless but we still chose to, for the sake of our children.

You see, in six years of being together we already  know the worst side of each other. There are a lot of points in our relationship where we can simply walk away but still, we chose to stay and love the person we’re with. 

True enough, relationships last long because two people CHOSE to.

On Begging in Relationships

I saw this photo on Facebook today and I can’t help reacting because in my opinion this is so fucking stupid. 

When someone say they don’t want you anymore,  you should never EVER beg them to stay and offer to change yourself for them.

Before I met my husband,  I was in a relationship with a lesbian who did everything to keep me from leaving. When I said everything, it means everything including blackmailing wherein I almost commit suicide.  The relationship was not only suffocating for me,  it’s toxic for us both. We had good memories but it’s not enough to make me stay. 

Two things: first,  you are allowing the person to walk on you because you don’t know your worth and second, even if the person stay,  you won’t  be getting the love you deserve. 

Please,  before getting into any relationship,  learn to be happy alone first.